I felt nothing for her. Nothing at all. Maybe I am heartless or maybe I am emotionally empty. I had loved her once or maybe not but we had once been in a relationship. I saw the sorrow in her eyes. I could tell that she did regret every single thing that she did to me . She deserved the tears. It really was of no use after so many years. At least not for me. Maybe I still loved her but she just cant walk in and out of my life. Two years back when she left me shattered and broken did I cry. maybe I did and maybe it is the price of those tears that she is paying now. She deserved the tears. She was herself responsible for her tears."I am sorry, I really am" , she said.
Those words seemed so blunt. I know she was sorry and I know she had regret but after what had happened I could not trust her. "But Whats the use after so long" I asked.
"I am sorry that I left you. That may have been my biggest mistake in life but you don't deserve to punish me like this. You know I still love you, you know I am sorry. I want to make it up to you.You know I had my reasons to leave you ." she said
I couldn't even get the meaning of her words. She may have had her reasons but she had left me without a word . Not even a goodbye , not even anything. I even tried to contact her . I had written her mails everyday for about 4 months after she left but she dint even bother to reply. And now she comes to me all of a sudden when I have already learned to live without her. When I have been able to pick up my broken life and am trying to move on with life.
"But I have learned to live without you" I said
"we can start over new" she replied
Start over new????? Even her shight was a pain to me. She made me remember all those days spent in pain missing her. My days spent with her was a waste of my time, we did share eternal memories but I felt nothing for her. I had vengeance for her in my heart and I had always wanted to ruin her life for ruining mine. But after seeing her even my hate for her died. I felt nothing. Empty from within.
"Sorry that is not possible" I said, " I don't think that I will ever be able to trust you again."
I saw pain in her eyes. She knew that she had changed me. The separation has changed me. She knew that I was no longer the cheerful old guy she used to love. I could see that her eyes had already swollen by crying for such a long time. Yet I felt nothing for her.
Then I realized that yeah after all she has changed me. And the love for her in me had died , finally.
Thank you for reading.
Author can be reached at http://mychemistryblog.blogspot.com or at http://sextalksnepal.blogspot.com
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